It was dusk. The sun was setting, sinking beneath the heavy darkness above it. It was at this time I knew danger had arisen. Lightning cracked in the sky and thunder rolled as rain started to pour. It was a deep december day, rain trickled down my face as me and my crew strolled through the forest. I hadn't really decided what I was searching for… I just suddenly had the urge for adventure, which then lead to a plane ticket to the amazon in peru.
As we kept the search on I had a lot of time to think about what I wanted to find, and then it finally came to me! Suddenly one of my crew tripped, we all came to him and looked at what he tripped over. It was slathered in mud and rust, Luckily I was resistant to those defects and scraped away the debris. It was a wooden crate that read “Fine Grade Beer” My crew looked at it with hungry eyes, so we cracked it open and had a drink. Turns out aged beer makes people really drunk…Or so I thought until that one moment when half my crew disappeared.
I woke up chained, hanging to a cobblestone roof along with the remainders of my crew. The thing was I didn't realize at the time that the main thing holding that heavy roof up was a singular column, what I could have done is knocked down the column and caved in the roof. But that obviously would destroy the good looking the banana cream pie I saw sitting on a table.
Here in the present tense, nothing's making sense. They must have drugged us before hanging us from the ceiling because I couldn't see the chains we were hanging from anymore. Me and the crew gave eye signals and eventually in formation we all started to rock to the side over and over crashing into each other and slowly loosening the roof.
My chains slipped off first and I fell to the ground. I soon helped my crew but not until I ate that pie. We were all free and the pie was gone so we headed for the door, The door lead to a long, shallow corridor with moss seeping out of the cracks in the cobblestone. I held up a torch, we headed down the pathway and I soon realized where we were.
We were in Ireland. There was a musty stench that we could not get away from. It stuck. A rainy, misty feel surrounded us. And I saw a leprechaun dash into a small crack in the walls. I told the crew but they thought we were in canada because moss doesn't grow in the mountains. I agreed and we kept moving down the corridor. Suddenly the floor gave out below us. I grabbed the moss on the walls and as they fell, the crew grabbed onto my legs and made a chain. I spotted the other side and knew there was only one way to get there.
I let go. Screams and fear entered my ears as we fell. Luckily before this event I had called my jet plane to pick us up and we fell right into the plane and flew off into the sky. Seconds after, a siren rang out and we soon were being tailed by airships. So I jumped out of the plane's window onto the wings of an aircraft and ripped wires out of the engine. It went down in flames as i jumped back into my jet. Suddenly a giant robot burst out of the ground and grabbed my plane. It crushed it in its palm and we all died except for me. I survived, but before I tell you that story there's a huge piece missing that I have to explain first.
It was february the 34th, a most distinguishable day. I was going to the bagel store in the morning for my daily bagel when suddenly out of the blue a hipster came up to me and begged me not to get a bagel because it's bad for the environment and some stuff like that. So I kicked him off my bike and he got ran over by a skateboard. His death was “The most tragic event of 2020”. Theories arose and soon I was blamed for his death. I went on the run and changed the dimensions(another story for another time). Soon I was found hiding in an old shack along a cliffside. The public decided I was a bad guy so they chased me to extinction.
But I survived. I hid in the big forest trees and sang tunes to the birds. In return for my musical talent they brought me bread crumbs I lived off that for awhile and then returned to civilization. By this century, nobody had remembered me so it was safe to live. I smelled arrogance in the air. The scent was strong. I kept getting closer to what seemed to be an illusion but it seemed so real. Real enough to follow anyways. I followed the scent into a wine cellar where I faced oryx the mad god himself. He was the guardian of the wine cellar and had a deadly shotgun that would kill even me. Luckily i weaved through the shots and bashed him so hard he was stunned. I took the opportunity to steal his wine, my crew could use it. Then I used a quick punch to the jaw and he went down with a sudden outburst. “NOOOOOO, THIS CANNOT BEEEeee” as he sunk through the ground. He left a bag behind him, it was white with blue lace wrapped around it. The bag was too irresistible. I grabbed it and opened it up, In the bag was a map. But not just any map. This was a paper map.
I left the wine cellar with a feeling that left me proud of myself. This map would lead to the one treasure known as the present tense. Now that might not make sense to you but the jist of it means that I get eternal youth, I set out on this adventure with a feeling in my gut that probably was because of the burritos I ate earlier.
I went to the library to search for the catacombs. The map specifically stated the catacombs were hidden in the library. I knew there was a hidden passage if you pulled the right book. I scrambled through the books and tore the shelves down and kicked tables over. Not long after I was confronted by the librarian and 2 bulky guards standing next to her. She gave me the look. Not just any look…. THE look. You know…… a frown arose, slightly higher on the left side of her mouth than the right, the eyebrows mimicked the same movement in which one is completely up and the other is at an angry slant, the highest eyebrows’ eye, bulging out of place, slightly bloodshot, her nose was flaring and the edges were raised to show a silent growl, Not only that but her face was bright red, Not with embarrassment With Rage.
It was at this moment i knew i dun’goofed. I burst out the library doors only to be chased after by the two hulks. I juked one of them and smashed him into a brick wall and escaped up the walls and along the rooftops. I had a plan to go back there later when the sun went down, this time it would be flawless. I just had to avoid that crazy librarian.
Later that night I snuck out of the tri state area back to the library. Luckily for me there was glass on the roof. I crashed through the glass causing the alarms to go off but it was worth it, I got my epic entry. I knew I had had to work fast, the alarm was going. As I landed I crashed through the floor into the catacombs. Success! Now I had to watch out for booby traps. I saw a layout of panels along the corridor ahead of me. I assumed that in most cases the panels would be a trap. But since this was real life I knew better than to step around the panels.
But I did anyways and got shot by a gunslinger hiding at the end of the corridor. I knew it was a trap! I Rushed past all the tiles and slugged the gunslinger in the gut before he had the chance to blast me again. I walked down the rest of the corridor and suddenly felt footsteps behind me. I hugged the wall as a giant energy blast skimmed past me covering most of the area in the corridor. I survived somehow. I ran in the opposite direction of the blast and the hallway lead out to a big temple room with a dome in the center of it. The footsteps got closer and I hid in a corner blending in the with darkness.
A light entered the room followed by 4 men. They looked familiar but I couldn't recognise them. They moved around the room in opposite directions. Without a word spoken I knew what they were doing, the dome in the middle of the room was a door and they were opening it! As soon as it was opened I jumped out of the shadows and kicked one of the foes into a wall. He got up and I was soon surrounded, but I knew what to do. I kicked one of them in the face, smashing his nose in. The other three jumped at me and I was soon covered by black silhouettes.
That's when it hit me! I threw them all off and jumped through the door from the dome. It lead to a small room containing a table on the far wall. I went up the table. It was a glossy black table with small patterns of swirls and waves of different gems seeping out of the table, I studied the table closely. Suddenly the 4 silhouettes appeared behind me. Without thinking, I smashed the table in two with one great chop of my arm. A glow arose from the remains. Golden specks of magic swirled in the air and then came to a stop. They all rushed at me and entered my body.
I felt it. I had achieved eternal youth. I turned to the silhouettes, with a golden flare in my eyes. I knew who these figures were. It was obviously learningthemoves. Why had he come here? To achieve eternal youth… but that's not all. After his sudden disappearance after the 7th reich I sensed a presence that had been different in a bad way, but distinctly familiar. He Was obviously trying to get it to defeat me, the traitor! He knew he had no chance against me without eternal youth. But now that I had achieved it, he had not a hope to win. He cowered slowly out of the room. I had the chance to defeat him but I didn't take it, i’m not stupid you know. If I had killed him the underground shaft would have crumbled taking me down with it for eternity. Not even my great strength can hold up 15 tons of rock and debris.
Anyways that is how I alone survived the great robot that crushed my jet. Im sure you realized why by now. Anyways I fell to the ground and landed on a huge rock which instantly crumbled in my presence. I turned to the robot as it reached for me. I grabbed one of its huge fingers and shoulder throwed it into the mountains next to us. Suddenly fighter planes appeared out of nowhere and bombed me, luckily enough I was able to dodge every single explosion. I knew who was doing this. Learningthemoves, It had obviously been him from the very start. I jumped into the air only to be shot at by the barrage of planes. As they flew by I grabbed onto one of their wings. I saw fear in the pilot's eyes as he turned to look at me. I looked at him and grinned as I slowly climbed toward the cockpit. He flipped the plane upside down to shake me off, but it was no use, I had a solid grip on the wing. Seconds later I was at the cockpit and the other planes were shooting at me. I saw one coming straight for me and I ducked out of the way letting the bullet pulverise the plane's engine.
The plane went down in flames and burst into an amazing explosion as it crashed to the ground. But i jumped off at the last second and grabbed a hold of another plane's wing. This one quickly panicked after seeing what happened to the other plane. He instantly ejected himself out, leaving his cockpit open. I climbed in and maintained control of the balance before it crashed into the mountain. I grabbed my telescope and saw that the other 2 pilots were heading at me with angered looks on their faces. I decided to give them the honor of their lives and flew away in my brand new plane. Of course they tried to chase me so i flew into space, they attempted to follow but i gained the advantage because once we reached space i maintained a stronger grasp of reality, they got sucked into the void.
Now that those pesky flies were gone I went to look for learningthemoves, and I knew just where he was. The eastern mountains of portugal. Obviously. I arrived at approximately 12:41 exactly. Remember those numbers because they will have a big impact soon. I walked to a nearby bar and sat down on a stool at the front counter. I know what you’re thinking, “You don’t know portuguese you canadian trash barrel!” And that's where you're wrong. I spoke to the man behind the counter “O flanco esquerdo” he looked at me and handed me a bottle. I spoke some more to him “A manga de waffle de frango?” (learningthemoves, have you seen him?), i held up a golden coin to him, he took it and said “Cuidado com nove sextos.Bife frito número um” (yes, i recall a learningthemoves, he went up the mountain this morning). I headed out, up the mountain to find my foe. He obviously knew i was in the area because i sensed a deep presence everywhere, it was almost as if I was surrounded by assassins.
Suddenly 6 ninjas jumped out of the shadows and moved in on me with their daggers. I dodged and ducked as they barraged me and i slowly started to break their defenses. These foes were no ordinary ninjas, these ninjas had auras. Auras that had no specific read to them, auras that vanished and reappeared as we battled. Auras that were most definitely evil. I had to be careful. They slashed specifically at my throat and eyes, like professional assassins do. These slashes were so fast I only had time to dodge them, so instead, I predicted one of their movements by reaching before it shot at me. I caught one of the ninjas arms, and had it clutched in a lock position. He struggled and I found it hard to keep a grip while dodging 5 other ninja’s attacks, so without a thought i snapped his arm. He fainted from shock. His brothers got angered by rage as he fell to the ground.Fueled by rage they all rushed at me with a flurry of slashes and stabs, i had to actually start fightback in order to fend off all of their attacks. Suddenly they all fell to their knees in my presence.
But that's not strange at all. Next they all made eye contact with each other and stabbed themselves in the foreheads with their daggers, killing them. But they actually weren't dead. The daggers transformed into gems and they they slowly morphed into giant hulky beasts. They’re eyes narrowed and turned red as the transformation commenced. To give a description of the beasts, they stood at least 6.8 feet tall and had tiny horns sprouting from the temple of their heads. Their arms were completely hulked out. With a width of at least one foot on the biceps, and veins were sprouting all over. Although they gained massive amount of strength, they obviously had lost some brainpower, they’re mouths hanged open with drool piling up at the jawline and dripping out almost every time you looked. Their nostrils grew super large and their face was stuck in a scowl.
Their auras were overwhelming, I could easily take one of them, but the 5 of them combined would take almost 20 seconds. So I called for backup. I snapped my fingers twice and hopped two feet back. Suddenly there was a flash, a ripple of time burst from the area in front of me. Something had cracked the air, the cracked widened into a hole and out burst a gust of wind , almost knocking me over. The hole widened and another flash appeared and the hole shut as a figure shot out. The figure rolled and stood up. It was my friend “Supreme leader kappa”, he is addressed with that name by anybody he meets that live long enough to learn his name. He doesn't take a liking to many people, luckily enough I had befriended this battalion of a human.
This person was no ordinary person. This person was a time jumper, Dressed with battle gloves, jeans, boots and a belt lined with daggers for use at any time. A strap was equipped across his chest holding a longsword along his back, and to finish it off he wore dark sunglasses and a beanie to hide most of his face. Armed with the power of stopping time and jumping through the time space continuum this was not someone you'd wanna mess with. The beasts didn't know otherwise, two of them jumped at them. A second later they disappeared into thin air. Supreme leader kappa pushed his glasses up with his finger and jumped back into the time space continuum. The other remaining beast saw that SLK was gone so they stopped trembling and rushed at me. I focused 5% of my full power into my right arm and rushed at them as well.
We crossed paths and a flash arose as we clashed. We stopped. The camera splits the scene through the diagonal, showing my face on one end and the beast’s on the other. The beasts flinched and fell to their knees, i looked back while leering to give the extra special “That’s what happens when you mess with me” look, and I continued up the mountain. It had been about 4 minutes before I spotted the top. There was a cabin and a couple telephone wires that stretched down the mountain. I climbed up to the cabin and decided to make a plan. The plan was simple. Go in silently, destroy learningthemoves and get out. I walked up to the door. I knocked and rang the doorbell. Nobody answered. The next best plan was to hide behind the house and wait for 15 minutes just in case, then sneak in through a window. So i kicked the door down and scanned the room. There was a small wooden table in the center of the one room cabin. 2 chairs were set at the table. One shifted to the side and one tucked into the table. There was a black iron stove in the corner of the room with a smokestack that went all the way through the ceiling. There were playing cards on the table with a big lantern by their side. The floor consisted of wooden boards, lined by each other. As I walked in, the boards would creak with each step i took. I approached the table and grabbed one of the playing cards. Hmmm, the queen of aces. I turned the card to its back. Nothing. I put it back on the table and kicked the lantern into the wall in which it smashed into the wall and broke into a scattered cluster of glass. The door slammed behind me. Strange, I never left it open… I turned around.
I was on a train. There were booths along the walls and the windows screened a blur of trees, snow and mountains. I walked to the end of the room and exited the car. I looked at the ladder on the outside wall of the train car and climbed to the roof. As I got to my feet I was confronted by a silhouette with a particularly big grin on his face. “Hello” I leered, but before I could finish I was surprised with a left hook, right square in the jaw. I ducked in order to avoid his next attack only to be smashed in the face by his knee. Blood trickled down my nose as I returned to my feet. He attempted the same attack again but I caught the punch and returned the favour by suckerpunching him in the stomach. Of course while he was still recovering from the blow I covered him in a flurry of fists. It was at this time that the train was shifting along the cliffs of the mountain we went up. Learningthemoves regained his balance and rushed at me, knocked me to the ground and pinned me to the edge of the train. He tried to push me off the edge but before he had the chance I heaved my body weight and flung him over me and off the train car. He flailed his hand as he fell and grabbed onto the windowsill of the train. I got up and stood triumphantly, not knowing he had survived, which led to me being tackled and I fell to the ground and rolled off the train along with him. As we hit the cliff we tumbled for a few feet then rolled off the edge. Luckily enough I grabbed the cliff and he fell to his doom. Just kidding. He somehow, during the fall managed to grab onto one of my legs. I'm guessing that you read the beginning of this story so you know what I would do.
Exactly.
I let go. Again. Which lead to a great fall in which me and learningthemoves would attempt to hit each other on the way down. We fell to a big crash into the stony ground, Luckily I barely felt it. I fell on top of him. I proceeded to stand triumphantly as I emerged from the rubble, But yet again I was knocked off my stand as I was tackled from behind. Learningthemoves somehow had survived the fall and was at full energy. I decided I had no more time for this pesky sink, so I stopped holding back. I focused 15% of my full power into my left arm, the sky turned grey and the clouds swirled into a vortex in the air directly above me. The ground crumbled, stones and pebbles rose into the air around me. The earth shook like an earthquake was commencing, Blasts of winds threw learningthemoves a great distance before he regained balance. Lightning cracked in the sky as the vortex spun faster. Learningthemoves clutched a tree so he wouldn't get sucked into the hurricane-speed winds. Then, it all stopped. The power was now in my arm, which was bulging with intensity. I turned to learningthemoves, He stood his ground. Obviously he did not understand my powers. He rushed at me and attempted a punch, I used my left arm to swat him away. He was gone, i must have hit him too hard. Probably at saturn by now….
The Traitorous fiend….
